The 6 month wait...(the backstory)

On May 14th, I gave birth to my Prince. Unfortunately, he didn't live to see the smile that would be on his parents' face when he was born. That was probably the most difficult time in my life. The hole is still in my heart. I think it will always be there. I can't wait until I see him in Heaven one day.

So, my doctor told me to wait 6 months until I try to have another baby. That seemed like such a long time, but I was desperate to get pregnant again. December came and my doctor cleared me to begin again. So in January, I loaded up some Metformin, Provera, and Chlomid and started the 3-month fertility cycle.

January, negative, February, negative, March, negative, April...okay ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! No more fertility meds for me! It gives me mood swings, headaches, cramps, and I just don't like taking them. I just decided to try the old fashion way of timing my periods and tracking ovulation. Except on May 14, my cycle came and it stayed for 6 weeks!!! I never had so many problems with my body, but I was determined to try to fix it.

So on June 22nd, I decided to take a Naturopathic route to healing this blood ailment that is sucking up all of my money! I can't get pregnant bleeding like this! Using an organic vegan diet method, I flushed my system of what I believe to be toxic from steroid and hormone infused food. I started a regular walking regimen and I just wanted to feel healthier. Five days after made the switch to organic raw foods, my bleeding stop. This was an indication to me that what was going on in my body was self-inflicted from my diet and lack of exercise.

For a short while the pressures of having a baby was gone. The only thing is that I truly never dealt with the death of my first baby and so depression started to sink in. For weeks, I would lash out at my husband for not "doing anything" to help me. I'm sure he was left feeling confused.

Burying myself in work seemed to help keep my mind off of "him"but I still had to deal with him dying. "Why did he die," is the recurring question in my mind. There are so many girls out here getting pregnant by guys they don't even know, leaving babies in hot cars, relying on the government to take care of their babies and you have people like us who have been married for years and still haven't had a baby...WHY?!

These are my constant frustrations. But If you want to go, I will take you with me on my PATH TO FERTILITY...